February 15, 2020

 Everyone deserves a grand gesture. But save yours for someone who will treasure it forever. ❤️ 



A few years ago after I failed to fix a toilet leak because I had to run to work, my roommate told me that I was a waste of air and I should kill myself. Yelled it at me actually. Recently someone who I am close to told me I am attracting negative attention from sexual predators and that my posts make me seem like I am desperate for approval. I’ve been told that I am “too dark to be around” and that people probably wouldn’t give me the time of day because of my condition. I’ve had 3 best friends tell me they can no longer be my friend because being around me was too hard for them. 


I just want to let those people know that I thank them for their brutal honesty and that it’s lit a fire in my belly... my sacral and root chakras have been broken for so long because I’ve let others dictate my worth. I’ve found healing, and although these remarks sting and still hurt, they’ve opened my eyes. I run this ship. So step aside because this engine is running and I’m doing my best to not let anymore of these hurtful words get in my way. I am grateful for yoga; it’s become my new religion and I’ve found more spiritual healing here than a church ever did. Yoga has saved my life this past year and I am so grateful for my yogi family who have lifted me and inspired me to embrace my true nature and have empowered me to be the best version of myself. It’s okay if you don’t like me- i like myself and that’s enough for me. Namaste b*tches. 🌸🧘🏻‍♀️

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Call Your Dad, You’re In A Cult

October 16, 2021   I can’t call my dad, he’s in a cult. Following an ideal is the downfall of humanity. We are chasing an idea of what life should be like instead of looking within and making opinions of our own that resonate on a cellular level.  If i told my parents they were in a cult it would destroy them. What may be a cult to you is another’s way of life.  Being a part of one of the most successful cults in American history- the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- and the eventual collapse that leaving brought to my life, opened up a labyrinth of trauma that’s stained every layer of my system and has proved very devastating to try to heal.  I want people to know that recovering from religious trauma is a different type of trauma. It is a specific type of trauma that impacts the neural networking of your thought processes; and discovering what your true pathways are can create symptoms of, disassociation, paranoia, self-loathing, and others consistent w...
Read more

February 5, 2022

 I love film.  I love movies, I love watching tv, and i can scroll through Tik Tok for hours. I didn’t really watch TV until I was 8sh. Whatever age third or fourth grade is. We didn’t realize it at the time, but by the time my younger sister and I were old enough to be left alone we would watch tv after school. We figured nobody knew since our older sisters were usually practicing the piano below and my mom, who had started to undergo monthly transfusions would be taking a nap on the family room couch. She was always sleeping on the couch, at time without any sort of blanket or covering (aka the power naps while dinner is cooking).  My mom. That’s a story for another day. Back to tv. My sister is 5 years younger than me, and since she was one of the only friends I had, I ended up watching animated kids tv; not the cool kind, the PBS channel. Arthur started at 3-4pm. We had early release school on Tuesdays and/or Thursdays, so if we got there in time there was Sagwa at 23...
Read more

An Ode to Musical Theater

 February 15, 2021 THIS MAKES ME VERY EMOTIONAL FOR 20 YEARS THIS WAS WHO I THOUGHT I WAS, AND    I DIDN’T KNOW MYSELF OUTSIDE OF MUSIC AND CHOIR AND THEATER.  I’VE DISAPPEARED FROM THIS SIDE OF THE WORLD AND THIS SIDE OF MYSELF FOR A VERY LONG TIME;  HEALING, DISCOVERING, AND    LEARNING WHAT LIFE WAS OUTSIDE OF IT. I HAD TO DISCONNECT BC MY BRAIN WAS BECOMING SO TOXIC    TOWARDS MYSELF THAT MY ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, AND OCD HIT AN ALL TIME LOW. IT’S OKAY TO TAKE BREAKS FOR YOURSELF EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT YOU LOVE. OF WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU. COVID WAS A WELCOME RELIEF FOR ME BC EVERYTIME I PASSED UP AN AUDITION I WAS FILLED WITH SHAME AND GUILT FOR NOT USING MY TALENTS. THIS TIME CREATED A LOT OF HEALING AND I’M READY TO AT LEAST ATTEND SHOWS.  I’M HEARTBROKEN THAT THEATER BECAME A TOXIC PLACE FOR ME. EVEN WHEN I WENT TO SHOWS MY DIRECTOR /CRITIC BRAIN WOULD NOT SHUT OFF AND I WOULD SPEND THE ENTIRE SHOW FINDING FLA...
Read more