Turning 27

 March 23, 2020

I envisioned a lot of wonderful things for the “adult version” of myself when I was young. I wanted to do so many things, travel to exotic places, and be someone everyone loved to be around. Instead, life had a different plan for me. I thought that when I’d turn 27 I’d be 1) married with a family, 2) rich and successful, and 3) hosting parties and ticking off items from my bucket list. Instead I  am 1a) single and have not had a relationship that lasted more than 7 months, 2a) broke, unable to hold down a job, and living in my brothers basement, and 3a) surviving with a mental disorder that makes it difficult to socialize, have fun, and generally be an functioning  human being. 

I’m not going to lie. This is not what I wanted for myself and I truly had all the control to make things different for myself. But instead I just waited for things to happen to me, and watched time fly by. Do I have regrets? Not really... I’ve just learned A LOT about myself and what works and what doesn’t work for me. I’ve learned that you can’t predict your life. You need to focus on being a solid, good person. 

If i could tell my 12 year old self anything it’d be this: stop focusing on your dream board that you created. It’s not about the house or the money or the dog or the boy. It’s about learning forgiveness and love. It’s about going along for the ride and making the best out of it because you only have ONE chance to have a good attitude about it. 

I’m not gonna lie. I’ve spent the last few years spiraling out of control because i realized that my “dream” or “vision” of my life was not going to come true.