June 9, 2022

 Salem 🐈‍⬛ and I had a lovely balcony morning… nothing like coffee, a good book, and some inner healing to start off the day. As I’ve gotten older I am investing in my health in more holistic ways… including chiropractic, energetic, and physical healing. Highly recommend massage therapy 👌🏻 The body truly keeps a score, and it’s trying to tell you something, listen… my nervous system and adrenal system collapsed a little over two years ago, and after some time ✨off✨ i entered another chapter of mysterious chronic idiopathic urticaria (hives). Sometimes when I cry my cheeks will be stained red where the tears trailed down.. most of the time I’ll just be covered in hives with no consistency as to what triggers them. I’ll save you the pictures, but just imagine walking into work and being covered head to toe with raised hives, even tho you were fine that morning.


 I dealt with this pain for over a year before finally seeing relief. I should have gone straight to an allergist instead of trying methods myself. It is key to combine modern medicine with holistic practices to cure chronic illness. In my case, the outward expression of inflammation reflected internal destruction.. caused by self-avoidance and disconnection from love. 


At this step in my healing journey I am working with my doctors on a study of how your body shows signs of internal distress from your nervous system. I joined a study for a new drug, so after I had practically been healed from my hives with modern medicine, I have to relive the inflammation again. I could choose to be miserable about it. I could choose to stay inside and hibernate away from the sun, but I’m determined to live my life to the fullest even if it means removing all unnatural stimulants that have been causing adrenal distress. 


In order for me to heal this, it requires me to stop and live life slowly… a far comparison to my previous state. I have been a walking nervous and uptight squirrel for a big chunk of my life. My system was constantly being fed by accelerants, stimulants, and severe anxiety. Last summer I started having panic attacks, and my addictions with substance abuse became quite dangerous. I had to heal a lot of childhood trauma to change my relationship with drugs- pharmaceutical and the other kind. I had to explore WHY I was escaping this consciousness. 


My nervous system was entirely controlled by a broken operator. As my heart heals, so will my body. 


“All the years of my life I thought I was searching for love I found, retrospectively, to be years where I was simply trying to recover what had been lost, to return to the first home, to get back to the rapture of first love.” - bell hooks

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