When I Am High

 10/16/21


My cells become alive 

When i a high 


I love myself a little more 

I’ll even be your little whore 


To whom doth I belong 

The darkness or the light 

Neither pulls and neither gives 

While I am getting high 


My brains on fire 

My guts desire 

When I’m not getting high 


The shadow swallows 

My heart is hollow 

On days I can’t get high 


The Other permits

My soul to ride;

Is it safer if I die?


I am trapped 

In this sack 

Of skin, when I’m not high. 


The mask I wear 

Weighed down by fear 

Is freed when I get high 


My mind is free;

No longer tied 

Bound to the other 

 I become when I am high. 


Freedom takes 

It’s undo course 

Inhabits new captivity  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Call Your Dad, You’re In A Cult

October 16, 2021   I can’t call my dad, he’s in a cult. Following an ideal is the downfall of humanity. We are chasing an idea of what life should be like instead of looking within and making opinions of our own that resonate on a cellular level.  If i told my parents they were in a cult it would destroy them. What may be a cult to you is another’s way of life.  Being a part of one of the most successful cults in American history- the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- and the eventual collapse that leaving brought to my life, opened up a labyrinth of trauma that’s stained every layer of my system and has proved very devastating to try to heal.  I want people to know that recovering from religious trauma is a different type of trauma. It is a specific type of trauma that impacts the neural networking of your thought processes; and discovering what your true pathways are can create symptoms of, disassociation, paranoia, self-loathing, and others consistent w...
Read more

February 5, 2022

 I love film.  I love movies, I love watching tv, and i can scroll through Tik Tok for hours. I didn’t really watch TV until I was 8sh. Whatever age third or fourth grade is. We didn’t realize it at the time, but by the time my younger sister and I were old enough to be left alone we would watch tv after school. We figured nobody knew since our older sisters were usually practicing the piano below and my mom, who had started to undergo monthly transfusions would be taking a nap on the family room couch. She was always sleeping on the couch, at time without any sort of blanket or covering (aka the power naps while dinner is cooking).  My mom. That’s a story for another day. Back to tv. My sister is 5 years younger than me, and since she was one of the only friends I had, I ended up watching animated kids tv; not the cool kind, the PBS channel. Arthur started at 3-4pm. We had early release school on Tuesdays and/or Thursdays, so if we got there in time there was Sagwa at 23...
Read more

An Ode to Musical Theater

 February 15, 2021 THIS MAKES ME VERY EMOTIONAL FOR 20 YEARS THIS WAS WHO I THOUGHT I WAS, AND    I DIDN’T KNOW MYSELF OUTSIDE OF MUSIC AND CHOIR AND THEATER.  I’VE DISAPPEARED FROM THIS SIDE OF THE WORLD AND THIS SIDE OF MYSELF FOR A VERY LONG TIME;  HEALING, DISCOVERING, AND    LEARNING WHAT LIFE WAS OUTSIDE OF IT. I HAD TO DISCONNECT BC MY BRAIN WAS BECOMING SO TOXIC    TOWARDS MYSELF THAT MY ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, AND OCD HIT AN ALL TIME LOW. IT’S OKAY TO TAKE BREAKS FOR YOURSELF EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT YOU LOVE. OF WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU. COVID WAS A WELCOME RELIEF FOR ME BC EVERYTIME I PASSED UP AN AUDITION I WAS FILLED WITH SHAME AND GUILT FOR NOT USING MY TALENTS. THIS TIME CREATED A LOT OF HEALING AND I’M READY TO AT LEAST ATTEND SHOWS.  I’M HEARTBROKEN THAT THEATER BECAME A TOXIC PLACE FOR ME. EVEN WHEN I WENT TO SHOWS MY DIRECTOR /CRITIC BRAIN WOULD NOT SHUT OFF AND I WOULD SPEND THE ENTIRE SHOW FINDING FLA...
Read more