Sincerely, your highly sensitive friend.

 February 5, 2022              What if I just chose to have a very interesting life. Let’s say that the “pre-existence” or “previous lives” were a true thing. One thing people often forget about Mormons, or at least don’t understand is that they are taught from a very young age to believe in a pre-existence. It’s called the Plan of Salvation. Thinking about it makes me shudder a little. That belief was unfortunately easy to undo once I peeled off other major layers. I would say I have spent the last 6 years going through major mental and spiritual opposition. Luckily I had already gone through the “PG rated” levels of other so-called diagnoses. Why does everything have to be diagnosed? Aren’t we all continually evolving? Moving on.         My spiritual and religious transition was a blur of years. I also had mental and emotional crises during that decade, and oh did I forget to mention that I’m doing this ALONE?  ...

 February 18, 2022 Be kind to people who do drugs.  There’s a reason they’re doing them.  And there’s a reason they keep doing them. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting relief from your own brain.  If you’ve never had to experience that, that is something to be grateful for. I do not wish the mental experience on anyone… I recognize its importance, and I know that I am here on this earth to be a teacher/healer/etc… this is not a path easily tread. It usually requires footsteps where there have been none. It takes a strong mind to be able to endure that torture and turn it into peace. 

 March 18, 2022 I get headaches for days. Migraines that correlate with dark depression swings. I get them when i have big dips and rises, or when i go from one extreme to another. Most of the time my cycles are smaller, more predictable and manageable. The ones that come out of nowhere are actually quite painful.  What part of shadow work do you start to step out of your shadow and see it as a partner.. the other half that combined with good it would make who i am… or want to be? Ying Yang…. Harmony, ya know? It’s like the good can’t rest in evil, and the evil shun the good, but when evil realizes that the good are not so bad and the good realizes the evil has endured time and time again… they like rule together and it’s more powerful,    ya know? Like they become a whole person finally ya know. As if hello, do you shadow work and you will be WHOLE!!! Jesus was onto something LOL

  To do anything.. To be anything.. To write your OWN story.. I’ve let the narrator conduct my boring life, and Im taking my power back. This is my story bitch, and I can do whatever the hell I want.  April 10, 2022

  My golden birthday is approaching- 29 on April 29th. When I was young and first learned what a “golden” birthday was, I imagined myself in bed waking up to children bringing me breakfast on a tray. That vision has stuck with me over the years as I tend to cling to original ideas instead of changing them as my life does. Although my life is nowhere near what I expected it to be at this time, I am grateful to still be here. I have struggled with mental health and chronic illness my entire life, so I will consider it a win that I’m still here. I choose life.   April 19, 2022

May 11, 2022 My karmic retribution is hitting hard for me right now. My ex has a new girlfriend already. She made it insta official, and he wasn’t talking with her while we still lived together. I’d say, going insta official 2 months into getting to know eachother sounds pretty serious. You bet he found a nice church girl that is “a good fit for [him].”- direct quote from Him. Release him. Why can’t i release him? Is it because I like to control my existence, and in doing so control others so their experience is what i want it to be? God, I’m fucked.  I’m pretty sure I have borderline personality disorder. I get… insecure (to put it nicely). I get obsessive, controlling, manipulative, etc.; all under the guise of a socially correct, trained actor who created alter egos so I could hide all the shot underneath. I am toxic. And i hyper fixate on one at a time- making it difficult for myself to enjoy full friendships with other people, as well as tarnishing my dating life. As far as lo...

May 20, 2022 You know what I just realized- or at least finally clicked for me, is that I’ve been in flight my entire life, and you’ve spent yours in fight..  “I survived- and you can too”  ^ title pending  My mind plays tricks on itself. Each new main character moment I have I can’t tell if it’s part of my real personality or something I conjured up, only to scrutinize for hours later on and dissect into nothingness. I have literally thousands of thoughts daily,  constantly, all day long it can truly be exhausting. I didn’t find peace until I found Lorelei Gilmore. I could only dream of being that witty when talking to actual people, but I am fond of my own chatter no matter how obnoxious it can be. It has probably been like this my entire life, and I wish I could remember all the cool things I think of. I just know that from a young age I’ve had to get it.. out. On paper- on something. If i can get it out of my head then I create an opportunity to build and create ...