Sincerely, your highly sensitive friend.

 Dear One,     I went on a date tonight. It was nice, he was attractive. Not quite my person though. I'm getting tired again. Like I told my friend, why do I feel like I can only have one? Pursue love or, pursue myself. Why can't I have both?     I know that the kind of love I'm looking for is that 'one of a kind' love. I wonder what you're doing now. Are you taking someone home? Can you tell they're not the one? Or is she? Have we already met and have you wiggled your way out of my hands? Do I know you? What will it feel like to meet in case we haven't? Will we know right away?     Do I have purpose beyond searching for you? Will I ever feel complete without you? When? What am I suppowed to do until then? Find me, soon. - R 

 January 20, 2024 How silly of me  to forget that I am  the love of my life.   One of the hardest lessons in love that I’ve had to learn is to let go. To let them leave when they showed me that they wanted to, or when they didn’t know if they wanted to stay. Over and over, time and time again, I have found myself begging anxiously for someone to stay. This of course is never said out loud, but is done so silently as I wait for them to ask me out again or reach out. The anxious attachment would refuse to give up on a connection that I felt strongly about. Yet, when the other person was no longer interested, instead of letting them go I clung to the wish that maybe one day they’d change their mind and come back to me.  Manipulation, control.. changing who I was out of fear and anxiety just so someone would like me?  An anxious attachment from early years of trauma and emotional neglect, coupled with being raised in a religious cult, created someone who lacked the divine knowledge that th

  “Next time you’re stressed:  take a step back, inhale and laugh.  Remember who you are and why you’re here.  You’re never given anything in this world that you can’t handle. Be strong, be flexible, love yourself, and love others.  Always remember, just keep moving forward.” – Unknown Never let other people's opinions of you create your reality, for it is in their own reality where they have insecurities about themselves, and now they're seeing them in you. Which is a true gift actually. For the ugly we see in others are just unloved parts of ourselves. And isn't that the journey of life? To bring love to every corner of our soul, even the places we've forgotten..

  Everyone deserves a grand gesture. But save yours for someone who will treasure it forever. ❤️   A few years ago after I failed to fix a toilet leak because I had to run to work, my roommate told me that I was a waste of air and I should kill myself. Yelled it at me actually. Recently someone who I am close to told me I am attracting negative attention from sexual predators and that my posts make me seem like I am desperate for approval. I’ve been told that I am “too dark to be around” and that people probably wouldn’t give me the time of day because of my condition. I’ve had 3 best friends tell me they can no longer be my friend because being around me was too hard for them.  I just want to let those people know that I thank them for their brutal honesty and that it’s lit a fire in my belly... my sacral and root chakras have been broken for so long because I’ve let others dictate my worth. I’ve found healing, and although these remarks sting and still hurt, they’ve opened my eyes. I

  I’m very tired. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of people telling me it’ll get better, that I’m loved... it’s beating a dead horse at this point. I need someone to wake me up and teach me mechanisms and teach me how to love myself.   Sometimes I wonder if the life I’ve been building for myself in my head since i was little, is not actually meant to be for me. It’s a new level of breakdown when you realize you are nothing like you thought you were, and you have to rediscover yourself all over again. To recognize that you’ve been propelling your life towards something that is nothing BUT a dream, is earth shattering. Your sense of self worth obliterated, your self esteem and personal motivation gone, and your ability to do anything outside of your inner child’s comfort zone becomes crippling. Only few understand the heartbreak that is redefining yourself. 

  It’s important for the human soul to feel wanted. To feel needed. To know that without them someone would miss them intimately. That’s the biggest loss of a broken heart; to wonder if someone will ever want or need you again.